Musings of a Mortal Dreamer: 2009

Results are out!

Posted by ethereality On 7:33 PM 0 feedbacks

I think the headline speaks for itself! heheheheh

Truly, it was an awesome surprise, seeing that I was sooooo convinced that my results were gonna bomb like what happened to Hiroshima... but surprise, surprise! It turned out better than I expected!

I guess it pays to be a positive pessimist... Hope for the best, expect the worst... that way, the world won't come crumbling down if your expectations are not met. Therefore, if things do turn out for the better, HELLO, INSTANT BOOST OF SELF-ESTEEM! :D

In case you're wondering, I maintained my CGPA. Minimal qualification for Dean's List, but hey, I still got it!

And to think, I thought I was gonna fail my damn tarian (kes besar there, malas nak go into that again...), and Koku actually counts as well as affects our CGPA!

And damn it... I regret that I couldn't grasp the concept of syntax properly before my tests (and brought down my GPA), which accounted to 50% of our total marks... I wish I could repeat that, but I guess we'll just let bygones be bygones...

In a nutshell, ALHAMDULILLAH! Praise be to Allah S.W.T. for making my hard work pay off in the end, despite the endless bouts of stress, so that my family can share the joy of achievement!

TIME TO BUCK EVEN MORE UP FOR THE UPCOMING NEW SEMESTER! woohooo! can't wait to start the 3rd language component! Parlez Francais, Mon Ami!

Nirvana: the final frontier...

Posted by ethereality On 5:48 AM 0 feedbacks

Out of the blue, I had the itch to listen to the song that defined the band Nirvana... 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'. So I followed my whim that came out of nowhere, and layan-ed the song for the next 5 minutes of my life.

I savoured every moment of it... from Kurt Cobain's trademark 'my-vocal-chords-are-tearing tearing-up-inside-my-throat!' voice, the haunting mantra-like 'hello 3x, how low?' bridge, to the soaring guitar solo from minute 2:52 till 3:32...

This song has gone through A LOT with me... through times of joy, pain, anger, sorrow, loneliness... you name it. In fact, I have yet to come across a song with the same impact as SLTS has... I seem to be able to find a sense of solace in Kurt's voice, & in the music... the song manages to take my passionate emotions atm (e.g. rage, grief, dissatisfaction), mount it & intensify it to the highest point... building & building its way to the final climax, making me scream away the pain, then leave me lying on my bed relieved & exhausted from the pent-up anger. Heheheh sounds almost like an orgasm, innit? ;p

I'd forgotten just how much I missed Kurt's voice... it's been far too long...

Suffice to say, this led me to raiding my music playlist & playing ALL the songs I have from Nirvana (& trust me, I have almost ALL of them!) non-stop! ALL NIGHT LONG, BEBEH!

Does that sound obsessive to you? heheheh wait la... keep on reading & you'll see...

I used to be known for my obsession over Nirvana, and ultimately, the lead singer, Kurt Cobain (R.I.P. my angel of music), back in my high school days. Back then, when I was at the tender age of 14, I came across a CD filled with influential 90's alternative rock songs, which I'm guessing might have belonged to Ami Kashaf...

This CD changed my life forever, because it introduced me to Nirvana, which was to become my favourite band of all time, and was the pioneer to my love of rock music. Two songs were featured, which were Come As You Are, & Smells Like Teen Spirit. The latter would later become my one of my favourite songs ever, and the song I would play in order to get the inspiration to write (it usually works! In fact, I'm listening to it as I'm writing this post!)

I know critics tend to say that Nirvana is an overrated band... and in some ways, even I, the diehard fan, would have to agree.

1. Their guitar riffs are fairly simple (the most complex one might have been from Scentless Apprentice or Love Buzz), so to label Kurt a guitar god is an overstatement.

2. The lyrics are mostly incoherent and do not seem to have a sense of connectivity (the lyrics of cult classic Smells Like Teen Spirit are completely nonsensical!), so Kurt's song-writing abilities are indeed questionable

and

3. Nirvana did NOT give birth to Grunge music, as most people believe.

However, it is their popularity & ability to change the music, as well as fashion scene so drastically (from the Glam Rock flambouyance of the 80's, to an Anarchistic, apathetic 90's era of alternative rock) that made them the legends that they are today.

The angst & feelings of 'I don't give a fuck, man... I'm so tired of this shit!' that they convey through their music & lyrics inspired a whole generation of fans... and I happened to come along it a decade too late (I was only 3 when Smells Like Teen Spirit hit the radio waves!). What with the tragic death of Cobain in '94, Nirvana's standing in the music world was further elevated.

Okay... shit. I made this whole post about the history of Nirvana. Adoyai. Nampak right, that I'm a huge fan? Hehehehe but rest assured, my level of fanaticism has toned down IMMENSELY.

Back then, I used to scoff at others who don't share my love for the band, but now, I've come to understand that one's taste in music differs, and we should respect that. So it is only once in a while that I let that psycho fan side of me show... heheheheh

If you're ever interested on hearing Nirvana, at least to see what all the hype is about, I'd recommend these songs...

1. Smells Like Teen Spirit (hey! it's the staple, man! like what rice is to Asians!)

2. The Man Who Sold the World *david bowie cover* (crowning achievement of Kurt, IMO)

3. Come As You Are (something abt this song evokes memorias of the good ol' 90's...)

4. You Know You're Right (some say it's the final song he recorded before his death... he sounds so accepting of his defeat here...)

5. Where Did You Sleep Last Night *cover* (the lyrics are devastating, and Kurt sounds country-ish here)

PROCRASTINATION QUEEN!!!

Posted by ethereality On 5:33 AM 0 feedbacks

Grrrrr! This time around, I can't do a Britney & simply say, 'Oops! I did it again!'. Procrastination, why do you choose to stick to me like velcro to a shoe strap?! Once again, I procrastinated! YET AGAIN! (don't mind my constant redundant repetitions... it's just used for EMPHASIS, so don't come giving me a lesson on syntax!)

It doesn't help that you also made a pact with Inspiration... a deadly combo for the likes of me! Last minute, baru my brain goes into overdrive, pabila baru mendapat 'hidayah' untuk menulis, and I end up typing/writing away like one possessed! Thus I end up feeling so lethargic the morning after, and suffer from Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, as well as a huge migraine!

So okay, it seems that consistency is not something I'm good at being consistent at (oh the irony!). So I guess I'll leave the choice to you, flouting my very own 1st post's (refer if you must) pledge...

Should I...

1. Ensure I post something every week, albeit the content may be an uninspired piece of work

OR

2. Wait for my undependable CREATIVE JUICES to flow in the last minute, and come up with something vaguely interesting & post-worthy, even if it does take me forever to post anything on my blog?

Hmmm.... decision, decisions...

'

The sweetest bday gift of all...

Posted by ethereality On 4:42 AM 0 feedbacks

Birthday presents don’t often present (lol) themselves to me unless my family throws me a birthday party, which kind of obliges people to get me a gift, seeing that we’ve prepared a fantastic feast for them & therefore, they should be courteous enough to give the birthday girl a little token of appreciation as a way of saying 'Thanks for the awesome food! Dahla it's free, kalahkan hotel food plak! I should get the birthday boy/girl a gift, which would cost me, what? 1/3 of what I would have to pay for such a sumptuous feast at a 3-star hotel!'.

But I’m not here to bitch about people who can’t even fork out a few measly bucks to get the birthday boy/girl a small gift. No… it’s best for a pessimist like me to look at the damn glass of milk as half-full instead of half-empty.

When I do receive birthday gifts, an overwhelming feeling of appreciation engulfs me. It’s not because of the cute handbag my aunt gave me, or the crisp RM50 notes folded thinly into angpows, waiting for me to take it out shopping & spend it. I feel grateful to have people think of me affectionately enough to have the initiative to get me a gift. Their effort means something to me… it means the world, coz it shows that they actually care. And I guess that is why people look forward to receiving birthday wishes. The feeling of acknowledgement is really what they seek for, not really the materialistic goodies.

Nevertheless, my top 5 birthday presents happen to be material things, but each holds a great deal of sentimental value to me, especially the last one:

1) The amazing chocolate banana cake Umi bought for my 13^th birthday from La Manila

2) The bouquet of red roses & charm bracelet Sem gave on my 17^th

3) The cute little teddy bear with the heart that says “I Love You Much” from Driss on my 18^th

4) The stainless steel butterfly pendant from Nanina (that I wear on my throat atm) on my 19^th

5) A delicate white-gold ring from him on my 20^th

With The One who Obtained the Ring...

Ma ha ha hu hu hu hooooooooo!!!

Posted by ethereality On 11:33 PM 2 feedbacks

Okay... I finally got around to writing this post... hehehe as Kak Tatie so kindly pointed to me, merely coming up with a blog post title DOES NOT count as a POST! wakakakaka very observant, as well as funny! Thanks for the input, babe! Mucho appreciato! ;)

All the cast members of Whoa Willow! were required to go through vocal analysis, or something of the sort, to identify our singing capabilities (how high we can go, whether we're an alto or baritone... that sort of thing). Coz it is, after all, a musical!

So to cut a long & completely pointless commentary about my journey there, we had to SING in front of an experienced music director (whom, I learned much later, was from Aswara or ASK... don't really remember which one, but it was an established music college! So don't play play!).

And to make matters worse, one of my fellow Willowans said that the dude was scary, as he shouted at her when she was singing, saying she was 'sumbang'. Not to mention, AD kept telling me, 'Syamimi, whatever you do, don't make faces. He ABSOLUTELY HATES IT! Just keep your cool, and don't ruffle any feathers'.

ADOYAIIIIII BESARRRRR! I have one of the most EXPRESSIVE faces in the world (it's more of a curse than a blessing, people!), and I simply can't help my emotions from displaying itself on my face! This is gonna be a problem...

'Nuff said, my anxiety levels were waaaaaayyyy up high it almost reached the roof! And I am no good with waiting... hate it sooooo much! Arrgh! The suspense is KILLING me!

Thank goodness I was able to have a nice light dinner with Coozy at kandang beforehand. At least the thought that I was able to see my best guy friend after this ordeal was over was comforting... And for my baby Munet. He managed to ease my nerves a little with some uplifting words.

'You can do it, babe!'
'No, you won't screw up the singing! You'll do okay, your voice is not sumbang!'

All this before he goes into the ring for his Muay Thai training, but that's another story...

So the dude finally arrives. I expected him to be effeminate, as AD warned us that he was very particular about the smallest details, and was quick to anger. And I also expected him to be much older,

coz: experience = to older age

To my surprise, the guy looked no older than 30 (he was 26, if I'm not mistaken), and looked more like a Science student. But when he spoke & shook people's hands in greeting, you can tell that he was not one to be trifled with, so tread lightly.

We were required to take our turns to sing in the gorgeous practice room (with built-in, full-length mirrors as walls, hardwood flooring, & a piano in the corner). Instructions were:

1. Choose ANY song you're comfortable with, and sing it
2. Vocalize the 'Ma ha ha hu hu hu hu hoo' in tune with the piano, or blurb (protrude your lips like your about to kiss someone, then press them together so that they vibrate, so that a horse-like sound is emitted)
3. Listen to the comments of the instructor, and take it all in with a positive attitude

Crap! I didn't know WHAT THE HELL I was going to sing! I couldn't just pick any random song I heard on the radio... I might just sound terrible at it, and risk a great verbal-bashing!

I opted to sing the song I sang during the Willow auditions: Katy Perry's 'Thinking of You'. But towards the end, I realized I couldn't pull it off well. So at the last minute, in one last act of desperation, I scrolled through my cellphone's music list until I could find a suitable song... something I can pull off with my vocal range, & whose lyrics I am familiar with...

Eureka! 'Part of Your World' from the Little Mermaid movie. You know, the one where Ariel is in her grotto, dreaming and singing about how much she wants to live on the Surface like the humans... Hey. My voice is just about as squeaky as hers, so why not?

Then came the moment of truth... I entered the room gingerly, mustering all the confidence I could possibly get from my anxiety-ridden body (my hands were shaking slighty), and braved myself to accept whatever harsh words that might be thrown at me. The dude asked me to sing, and I tried as best as I could.

I couldn't look at the guy while I sang much, coz his eyes felt like they were judging every move, and I was afraid I might suddenly feel overly self-conscious and make a fool out of myself. So I kept my eyes closed sometimes, and that helped me loosen up a bit.

Once I was done, I waited nervously for his feedback. His comment shocked me! He was actually very nice & professional about it. He noted that I chose the right song for my vocal range, that I sounded very much like Ariel herself (I laughed nervously at this, and told him that I take that as a compliment). Thank god! I seriously did not expect it to end pleasantly! What a MAJOR relief!

Next, he asked me to blurb. But I couldn't do it too long. It tickled! So I ended up vocalizing, taking extra care not to make my strain show on my facial expressions. All in all, it turned out pretty good! We shook hands before I was allowed to leave, and I thanked him profusely for his time, as a good student should do.

Thus, I left the place feeling so incredibly relieved that I felt free! Ah! The taste of freedom is so sweet! So I left with good spirits, and also with a copy of Zack and Miri in my thumbdrive (thanks to Coozy! ;p)

Willow practice is approaching so quickly, and I'm seriously anxious about it... both the good kind, and the bad. Good, because it's definitely gonna be a memorable & rewarding experience. Bad? Coz I'm still convinced I don't have what it takes to sing the role of Dusty Diamond, the villainess! But just like what I did during the vocal assessment thingy, I will try my hardest, and hopefully, the results would be surprisingly good. ;)

The one that got away...

Posted by ethereality On 11:04 PM 0 feedbacks

Okay... I do hope you wouldn't deduce that the title above means that I'm gonna get all nostalgic about my past relationships & shit... that would come later! ;p

Actually, I'd really wanna talk about a certain classmate of mine who recently dropped out of our study course...

So the story goes like this...

But we'd have to go riiiiiiiight back to the beginning...

(for those of you who didn't know) my batch of pre-Teslians '08-'09 was the first (or what I'd like to call, the 'guinea pig') batch of students who were *figuratively-speaking* forced to become ASASI Teslians. So what's the difference? You see for yourself...

Our seniors, who were automatically upgraded to the UiTM TESL degree program, provided that they pass the minimal CGPA requirement.

And us Asasi Teslians? Well, we were thereby bonded by the government, and were given a nice allowance in return for our 'compliance'. So how does this affect us negatively, you ask? We were, after all, given money...

Well, basically, it meant that our future was in their hands. Wherever they place us is out of our control. Sure, we did have choices when we filled in our UPU form, but for most of us, we don't even get some of the courses we applied for! The only way to change this is to make an appeal, or apply to another desired course.

So basically, there were supposed to be only 20 TESL students per IPTA in Malaysia for our batch, but only 9 made it to UiTM Shah Alam... me & Miza included. Sucks big time, right? There's only 9!!! who showed up! Wth?

But we got our hopes a little higher when 2 former Asasi Teslians rejoined us back from their given uni (UPM), thru the magic of 'Appealing'. Fuffy and Nadilala.

So the story's basically about Nad.

After nearly two semesters of toiling hard (hey... this is what you get from a degree programme, babe!) to get the grade, Nad decided to call it quits. Out of the blue. All of a sudden. Kapow!

Why? Well, she did express her feelings before to me (and a few other close friends, I think) about giving up the fight. She felt like she lost passion for the course, even though she was doing so well.

I have to admit, even I felt like it was all hopeless at one point. I could empathize with how she felt. But to quit when she's so close to completing it? It was only 3 weeks left till the finals! And to add salt to the wound, she had completed almost 90% of her coursework! That was a real shocker.

And to think, we only found out about it in the wee hours of the morning, waiting for our bus to go to the National Zoo for our voluntary work!

But I guess Nad had her reasons, whatever they may be. In a way, it's good that she came to this decision earlier on the course. But at the same time, I wish she could have tried to hold on a little longer...

But what's done is done. There's one less person in our already empty class, and we miss her craziness & 'mmmhmmms'... all the best, nadilala! You are still much loved. Please don't be a stranger & come visit us. Sayang always...

There's always a first...

Posted by ethereality On 10:15 PM 0 feedbacks

Hey! So it's been quite a loooooong time since I last attempted to write a non-academic... well, non-academic ANYTHING! Oh... before I get too caught up with an overflow of words, I'd like to say WELCOME! :D

Yes... Welcome to my little literary realm of randomness... I hope you know what you're getting yourself into by reading my blog! but THANKS FOR READING! THE LOVE IS MUCH APPRECIATED!
So... where to start when so much has happened this semester in a little corner of the earth called Shah Alam, and my beloved, longed-for, faraway hometown KL (okay! i get it! since i live in Kota D'sara, it technically means that i'm org Selangor! but my heart's always been in Hartamas, man!)?

Well, let's just start it with something my Auntie Dedeh (my mentor, my inspiration, & personal cheerleader! :D) said to me...

"Mimi, don't ever stop writing. If you really love something, you have to keep working at it. Never give up, and never neglect the gifts that God has given to you. Always make the best use of it & keep pushing yourself to become the very best you can."

Okay, so I guess that wasn't an exact quote. My memory's pretty much like a sieve... I tend to forget very easily. But basically, that's the message she sends me every time I seek her counsel. And I should probably stop neglecting my writing... so from now on, I guess I'd have to keep it up. The writing, I mean... not the procrastination! wakakakaka

My target? At least one post per week. No excuses. No matter how trivial my content may be, no matter who (or if no one!) reads my rants... I'd have to keep on writing.

So I hope that you, beloved readers (whoever you may be), would keep up with my progress & keep my dream... am I keeping to my goal, or not? Feel free to reprimand me if I don't... but please, do be gentle... ;) Thanks so much guys! Love always <3>

Musings of a Mortal Dreamer

Results are out!

Nirvana: the final frontier...

PROCRASTINATION QUEEN!!!

The sweetest bday gift of all...

Ma ha ha hu hu hu hooooooooo!!!

The one that got away...

There's always a first...

Syamzee is...

Fave Quotes...

The Entourage

Arkib Belog